April
by Irrevocably
Summary: Julian hadn't expected the first year of marriage to be so testing.


**A/N Hello Internet people! This prompt comes from the lovely TopazStars: "Julian finds out Caitlin LOVES animals. In fact, she wanted to be a vet/animal doctor instead of human doctor. He decides that on their first wedding anniversary, he'll get her a pet of some sort. What does he get her and what does she think?"**

 **I deviated from the prompt a little bit but it inspired me to write 10 pages! So that's something. Thankyou Topaz, and for all you readers that haven't checked out the Snowbert forum, you're missing out.**

* * *

We'll get there

'The first year of marriage is always the hardest'.

That is what Julian had heard across various forms of media. He heard it on the morning news - when segments would come on about how to have a happy marriage. He'd turn that off, citing it as not real news. How hard could it be anyway? He'd think to himself, snorting at the newscasters. It's just about loving your partner, isn't it?

He'd hear it from his parents growing up. Although he usually wouldn't trust them, or any of their advice on marriage. It always seemed like their own marriage was bordering on divorce.

He'd hear it from his recently married friends. They'd struggle with joint finances, with morning habits, with house duties. To him, that all seemed so stupid. It was all about communication, and after Caitlin and Julian's challenges doing so when they were first dating, they'd learnt to tell each other every little thing easily.

Still, Julian hadn't been expecting his first year with Caitlin to be so testing.

"Even though I'm a doctor and I know the chances," Caitlin sniffled from the floor of the bathroom, looking up at Julian in the doorway with such shame and guilt. As if she was to blame for this. "Every month I just…"

Julian had rushed into the bathroom, having heard her cry and knowing what was happening. It had been happening for the past 9 months. This time made 10.

Caitlin had gotten her period.

"Shh," Julian soothed, rushing over to sit down with her. He pulled her into his arms, resting her head against his chest and running a hand through her hair. At seeing her so devastated each month, Julian kept holding back tears of his own.

"I really thought I was pregnant this time." Caitlin sobbed quietly. "It was late."

"We'll get there." Julian said firmly. Whether it was to comfort her or convince himself, he didn't know.

"We've been trying for nearly a year. Lord knows we've tried that many times." Caitlin sounded defeated now, lifting her head up and looking into Julian's eyes. "I'm starting to think there's something wrong… with me. Maybe I just can't… I can't have a baby."

Julian wiped away at her tears. "You can't know that. It's probably me anyway." He looked down away, not wanting to hurt Caitlin. "With my luck my swimmers are probably drowning as soon as they get out."

Any other time this oddly worded sentence would probably make her laugh, but right now she was too devastated to even smile. "You can't know that either."

Julian brushed away more tears on her faces with his thumb, "We'll get there," He told her determinedly. "We'll get there."

Caitlin nodded softly, resting her head back onto his chest. He held her tightly, kissing the top of her head and closing his eyes, praying that they would indeed get there soon.

* * *

The real kicker came when Iris and Barry walked into the cortex the next week with a skip in their step.

"Guys, can we all gather around." Iris said to the group, looking back and forth between them and Barry. The two of them had Cheshire like grins plastered to their faces.

"What's going on?" Joe asked for the group.

Caitlin sitting behind the desk had an inkling of an idea of what was about to happen. She recognised their looks from the first time they announced they were pregnant.

"We have some news." Iris looked at Barry, the both of them practically giggling with excitement.

"We're pregnant again!" Barry announced, pulling Iris in and kissing the top of her head.

The room erupted with cheers and gasps, a popping of a champagne bottle was heard. Glasses were passed around as they all congratulated Barry and Iris. The excited chatter all halted to a stop when a sob emitted from the back of the room. Caitlin hadn't meant to cry, but slowly it had bubbled to the surface.

Everyone had turned to look at her.

"That's just…" Caitlin blinked, tears prickling at her eyes. Slowly she smiled at Barry and Iris, who were looking at her sadly. "Wonderful."

Julian made his way over to Caitlin, but he too was feeling mixed emotions.

"Cait…" Iris softly spoke, trying to let her know it was okay to not be okay. No one had known that her and Julian had been trying, but suddenly it seemed so obvious. They'd been off in their moods on some days, and gradually they had gotten more distracted at work, as if burdened by something. And now Iris and Barry felt so insensitive.

"It's wonderful. Really." Caitlin turned to look at Julian, letting her know she was okay. They'd been together long enough for both of them to know their cues, leaving Julian to take his hand off Caitlin's shoulder. She was strong, he knew that.

Caitlin stood up, a smile as she raised her glass, "To Barry and Iris."

Everyone else raised their glasses too, somewhat hesitantly. "To Barry and Iris."

* * *

Caitlin brought a glass of white wine to her mouth that night as she leant her back against the kitchen island. Julian was cutting vegetables beside her, preparing dinner and nursing a wine himself.

"It's time to book a doctors appointment," Caitlin spoke softly, turning her head to look at Julian, "Isn't it?"

Julian swept the vegetables into a pan, not wanting to look at Caitlin and show her all his devastation. "For peace of mind, I think we should."

Caitlin didn't have to look directly into his eyes to see his hurt. She was hurting the same way.

As the pan was slotted into the oven, Caitlin made her way over to him, wrapping her arms around his waist from behind. "I love you."

Julian turned around, brushing away parts of hair from her face and tucking them behind her ear. "I love you too… so much."

Caitlin tilted her head up, pressing a soft kiss up against his lips. "How long until you have to put the chicken in?"

"40 minutes." He replied, kissing her again.

Caitlin pursed her lips together, her eyes travelling along Julian's body slowly. "...Do you want to make a baby?"

Julian kissed her deeply, telling her he'd do anything for her. He reached for her hand, guiding her down the hall. He wanted nothing more then to tell her that this was the one, this was the time that would count the most. This was the night that they'd make a baby.

But he was hopeful, not an idiot. Instead he stayed silent, deciding to simply show Caitlin that he could do this. He could give her a baby.

* * *

Caitlin awoke in the morning, hearing Julian in the shower. _Strange_ , she thought, considering she was always up before him.

But also disappointing, since she really wanted to try again this morning, just to make sure that this month was the one.

 _Oh well,_ Caitlin got up, reaching for her robe and walking down the stairs to make a coffee.

She knew it was stupid to already get excited, but the prospect of being pregnant was too big to ignore.

"What are you grinning at?" Julian asked, walking into the kitchen as he buttoned up his shirt.

Caitlin reached for the kettle and began making a cup of coffee for him. "Oh, nothing. Just thinking about last night."

"Oh yeah?" Julian raised an eyebrow, a grin forming on his face. "What about last night?"

"We had to of done it this time." Caitlin told him, sliding across his cup - a white mug with a picture of a dinosaur reading a book - across the bench.

Julian's face fell slightly. "Cait-"

"I know I shouldn't get my hopes up but think about it." Caitlin quickly came around the bench, wrapping her arms around his torso and looking up at him. "In 9 months this house could have another resident."

The thought of having a baby definitely overpowered any rational thoughts he had, plus Julian couldn't stomp on her parade, the last 10 months had been hard enough.

"If I'm optimistic then maybe it'll happen. Like if I'm wishing it into the universe harder than ever then it will happen." Caitlin continued, a sparkle in her eye as she spoke.

"Okay. This month is no negative thoughts."

"None." Caitlin agreed, kissing him.

"We'll only think about happy things." Julian confirmed.

"Rainbows."

"Puppies."

"Oh I love dogs." Caitlin took a step away now and sat down on the stool behind her. "My first semester at college was actually done studying veterinary sciences."

"It astounds me that I didn't know." Julian sipped on his coffee, careful not to spill it on his crisp white shirt. "What made you change direction?"

Caitlin shrugged. "I think the thought of seeing hurt, innocent animals everyday for the rest of my life terrified me."

"Yep, that'd do it." Julian kissed her head before going around to their pantry.

"You know, we've never discussed having a pet before." Caitlin brought up as she watched Julian start pulling out chia seeds and walnuts in preparation for their usual morning smoothie. **(A/N: I mean, can't you totally see them making healthy smoothies in the morning together? My headcanon is they do this until they have kids and realise how busy they are)**

"It seemed that we jumped from that conversation straight into having children." Julian's voice was pure amusement.

Caitlin smirked as she went over to the fridge and started pulling out some fruits. "Maybe we just focus on the one first then."

"Mmm." Julian agreed. "When the time is right we should get a dog."

Caitlin laughed. "Okay. Done."

* * *

Caitlin knew the familiar feeling in her body when she woke up. Unlike other months where she'd tried to pass it off as just hunger pains or inflammation, Caitlin knew all too well what was going on.

Quickly she was crying, heading for the ensuite and turning the shower on. Sure enough, when she undressed, the pool of blood confirmed that once again, she was not pregnant.

She threw her clothes down the laundry shoot, wanting to tear them up like they were incriminating evidence, before she stepped into the shower and curled up like a ball on the floor.

"Cait," Julian softly tapped on the bathroom door, sliding it across and peeking his head in. "Can I come in?"

"I'm not pregnant." Caitlin cried bitterly in response. "Again."

Julian stepped into the room, wearing his pyjamas and looking half awake. A couple tears had formed in his eyes when he'd heard Caitlin crying as she got up. Now he was trying to keep it together for Caitlin's sake.

Caitlin sobbed in the shower. "I can't get pregnant. I'm sorry."

"Don't be silly." Julian opened the shower screen door and stepped in, still wearing his pyjamas. Not that he cared about something as pointless as that, all he cared about was Caitlin. He sat down next to her, wrapped his arms around her again as water poured down onto them. "We'll get there."

* * *

"What's wrong?" Julian asked, putting the keys into the ignition but not turning it.

"I'm relieved. Obviously." Caitlin muttered in response to Julian's question, sitting back with her arms crossed. "I'm healthy. Great. You're healthy. Great. Why haven't we gotten pregnant then yet?"

"Yes, that was rather annoying to hear. I almost wanted something to be wrong, just for a clear explanation." Julian said, adding another, "Almost," just to be safe.

"Same." Caitlin sighed. "Well, everyone thinks we're at a doctors appointment anyway, do you want to go home for another hour and try again?"

"An hour?" Julian raised his eyebrows. "Really?"

"This is the first day that I'm ovulating. If I'm not pregnant already you better believe it's happening this time." Caitlin told him with a threatening tone to her voice. "Now lets go so you can get me pregnant!"

"Yes Ma'am." Julian chuckled, turning on the engine and roaring down the street.

* * *

Julian was at a loss for what to get Caitlin for their anniversary.

"Paper?" He screwed up his face at his laptop, reading off of the list of gifts for each year of marriage and scoffing. "What the bloody hell would I get her with paper?"

"Julian?" Caitlin's voice was heard across the house as the front door slammed.

Julian quickly shut his laptop, glancing over at Barry from across the table before replying, "Yeah, I'm home."

"Alright." Caitlin called, dropping her keys and coat near the front door. "Pants off Mister. Time to get me pregnant."

Julian bit down on his lips, looking at Barry as he chuckled.

"Hi Caitlin." Barry called, an amused grin on his face as she walked in the room.

"Oh," Caitlin blushed slightly, laughing, "Hi Barry. Did you want to stay for dinner?"

"I was just about to leave actually. Iris probably has her hands full at the moment so I should get back to the twins." Barry stood up, grabbing his jacket off of the back of the chair. "Sounds like you guys are busy anyway."

Julian stifled a grin, awkwardly replying, "Yes, well… I'll walk you out mate."

"See you tomorrow." Caitlin called.

"Bye Cait." Barry then lowered his voice once they were at the door. "Don't worry man you'll think of something."

Julian nodded, despite feeling like he was destined to fail.

* * *

It was an impromptu call that left Don and Dawn in the hands of the STAR Labs team. Barry was out on flash business, whilst Iris had been called into the office for an emergency meeting.

"You are so cute." Caitlin poked at Dons nose, watching as he laughed and giggled. "I just love you. Yes I do."

Don giggled more as Dawn waved around a Tamborine that echoed throughout STAR Labs halls.

Caitlin sat down on the floor with them, pulling them into her lap as she picked up a book. "Do you guys like cows?"

Julian walked in on this scene, watching as Caitlin brushed her hand over Dawns head soothingly as she read them their story. The twins attention was completely on Caitlin's voice as they pointed at pictures in the book.

"You guys are just the sweetest little munchkins," Caitlin said once she closed the book, "Look at your little toes, they are just so cute I could eat them."

It killed Julian to know that after all their trying the past year, he still couldn't give her a baby of their own.

* * *

Julian eagerly awaited on the other side of the bathroom door. Caitlin was a few days late, and was taking a pregnancy test to see if their lives had changed yet.

Caitlin slid it open, a disappointed look on her face. Julian's face fell too.

"It's negative." Caitlin sighed, hugging Julian tightly. "But at least I haven't got my period."

Julian kissed the side of her head. "We'll get there. It'll be so worth it when it happens."

Caitlin kept her head on his shoulder, nodding slightly. "We'll get there."

* * *

"I've been losing my speed at random times, the protein bars you guys give me just don't last as long, and small things like that." Jesse and Wally had burst through a breach from earth 2, bringing a problem for STAR Labs with them.

"Can you help?" Wally asked, concerned.

"Alright well I'll take you to my lab and we can do some tests." Caitlin guided Jesse through the halls, a smile on her face. "It's good to see you guys though."

Two blood viles taken and 10 minutes later, Jesse, Harry, Wally and Caitlin were in her lab, waiting for some news.

"There's any number of reasons for your symptoms." Caitlin started as the click clack of the keyboard emitted around the room. Caitlin leaned in to the monitor, studying it intensely. "Well your blood isn't showing up anything unusual…"

She trailed off as she spotted something very big for Jesse.

Caitlin was usually strong and never displayed her true emotions in front of a full room of people, but at this point she burst into tears.

"Are you okay?" Jesse quickly rushed over to Caitlin, enveloping her in a hug and rocking her back and forth. Jesse looked around the room with an expression that was of obvious confusion and desperation.

"Is Jesse okay?" Harry asked with obvious concern over his face. He leant over the two of them to inspect the monitor with squinted eyes.

Julian walked into the room right then, as Harry began to fall back onto the bench, reaching for a grip as his legs began to give way. Julian rushed over to the two girls, replacing Jesse as he held Caitlin and studied the monitor.

"What, what is it?" Jesse inspected the screen, her eyes widening as Julian spoke.

"Congratulations, you're pregnant Jesse."

Jesse gripped onto the bench behind her, mimicking her fathers actions exactly.

Wally from the other side of the room looked like a happy puppy. "I'm gonna be a dad."

"I'm gonna kill you, West." Harry threatened, wiping the smile off Wally's face completely.

Jesse regained her footing, looking back at Caitlin with concern. "Are you okay Cait?"

"Yeah," Caitlin sniffled, doing her best to look okay despite the tears, her red face and all the snot running down. "God, I'm so happy for you, really," Caitlin reached for Jesses hand, squeezing it tight, "We've been trying but…" Caitlin erupted into sobs again, causing Julian to bring her closer. She put her head in his chest, her voice muffled as she spoke, "I'm sorry for ruining this for you."

"No no." Jesse rushed, patting her leg. "It's okay. I can't imagine how hard this must be."

Caitlin stood up, sniffling and embracing Jesse. "I'm really so so happy for you."

Julian patted Caitlin's back as Jesse started to tear up. "You'll get pregnant too. Our kids will be the best of friends."

Jesse then took a step away, looking alarmed at Wally. "Holy shit were having a kid."

"Holy shit you're having a kid." Harry repeated, looking more freaked out then all of them. "My kid is having a kid."

Caitlin took a step towards Harry, speaking through her tears, "Do you need a sedative?"

Harry nodded, tears prickling at his eyes. "Yes."

* * *

"That's the one." Julian pointed at a small furry white puppy at the pound called Bella, one that had been abandoned.

He'd come at a loss for wedding gifts involving paper. Nothing seemed special enough considering that all Caitlin really wanted wasn't what Julian could deliver.

Besides, paper was boring. A lively animal in the house would definitely make a difference to the mood.

It wasn't a baby, but it would definitely make Caitlin ecstatic.

* * *

Julian had gotten up in the wee hours of their anniversary, travelling to Cisco's house to pick up the puppy and bring it back, just so that it would be a nice surprise for Caitlin.

When he arrived home, he glanced over at Bella in the backseat. They blinked at each other as Bella's tail started wagging. "Get excited mate, this is your new home."

He walked through the door, holding Bella in his arms as he walked up the stairs, two at a time. His excitement soon dropped when he heard Caitlin crying softly from the bathroom.

"Oh honey." Julian rushed in, dog still in his arms. "It's okay."

"It is. It's okay." Caitlin sobbed, sounding giddy as she spoke. She was sitting on the floor, staring at a pregnancy stick. "We're pregnant!"

Julian rushed over, staring at the two lines. "Are you sure?"

Caitlin gestured to her side where seven other pregnancy sticks were laid out in a straight line, yet not taking her eye away from the stick in front of her.

Julian felt the dog begin wagging its tail against his arm, apparently picking up on the mood of the room and getting excited herself. Julian stared at the stick, in pure disbelief as tears sprung to his eyes. "We're having a baby."

"We're having a baby." Caitlin confirmed happily, lifting her head finally and seeing the dog through her tears. "Aww, whose this?"

"This is Bella, your anniversary gift." Julian smiled, passing Bella into Caitlin's arms. "Happy anniversary."

Caitlin cradled her in her arms, still gripping tightly to the pregnancy stick. She started crying harder, smiling up at Julian. "I love her… Thankyou."

Julian scratched behind Bella's ear, smiling at her. "I can't believe we're having a baby."

"I know." Caitlin grinned, turning towards him. She looked down at his lips, lingering on them as she lent in and kissed him passionately. "...We did it."

"We got there." Julian reached his hands around to rest on the back of her neck, kissing her again for as long as he possibly could.

"Oh gosh," Caitlin suddenly pulled away, an apologetic look directed towards Julian, "I didn't get you anything."

Julian laughed. The fact that she thought this was hilarious. He'd given her a home, a safe place to land, a purpose to his life. He was a husband, and now she was about to make him a father. "I've got everything I need right here."

 **A/N**

 **I hope y'all liked it! Review if you have any thoughts and I'll see you guys when I post my VEEERRYYY late March prompts. Thankyou for reading!**


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